James Wiesniewski got fucked over. Now, that fact is not inherently remarkable. The NHL's spastic "system" of supplemental discipline often yields bizarre results. But Wiesniewski's 8-game suspension is just the capper on a couple of weeks wherein the league is rushing to enact a shittily written "head shot" rule, as well as explicitly articulating the effect that a player's injury has on supplemental discipline (or doesn't have, if you are Matt Cooke; no one asserts that the NHL is even internally consistent).

Consider Wiesniewski. He sees Brent Seabrook make a questionable hit on star forward Corey Perry (He hit him in the head! Against the boards!). At his earliest opportunity (a few seconds later), he lines up Seabrook and blasts him into the boards (from the front, not behind). In doing so, he left his feet, and was appropriately penalized for charging (you could argue that he deserved a major, and I wouldn't disagree). Twenty years ago, this would have been a "story" for about 5 minutes.

But in the "modern" NHL, a role player standing up for a star that he felt was taken advantage of gets an 8-game suspension and a quarter-million-dollar fine (in the form of lost pay). Drunk drivers get punished less severely.

Hi everybody, Patrick O'Sullivan of the Edmonton Oilers here.  As a penance for my -32 rating, Commissioner Bettman has asked a favor of me in exchange for convincing Kevin Lowe not to demote me to the AHL.  I'm supposed to visit the blogs whilst wearing all green, drop a hearty "Top O' the Morning!" on you and pimp some of the fine holiday-themed producted for sale over at NHL Shop.

However, what Mr. Bettman doesn't realize is that I'm not from Ireland.  I've never been to Ireland.  And I fucking hated The Commitments.  So rather than a cheery sales pitch that encourages you to bring your credit card to the end of the rainbow, I'm going to sit here in my recliner, pop some Lucky Charms and whiskey, and do some open mocking of this fine Irish merchandise.

Greetings once again, asswranglers. I'm back, by popular demand. Sorry if I'm late; I had to satisfy some other demands. Ladies first, pud-pullers. Let's start off mean substitute teacher style, with a pop quiz:

Which one of these four things is worst?

A) Knocking a frog midget unconscious with your elbow, giving him a potentially season-ending concussion.

B) Checking a lazy ginger from behind into the boards, breaking his clavicle and ending his season.

C) Making an off-color reference to another hockey player's girlfriend.

D) Having a name that rhymes with "Rollin Ramble Is a Herdfurglar."

Hockey season is finally upon us. But damn it, weekends exist all year round. And just because the NHL has decided to schedule games on said weekend doesn’t mean our schedules are magically freed up for 24/7 snark. We’ve got basements to clean, and our respective mothers learned everything they know from Mike Keenan. So on Monday mornings, you will get a recap post and a picture of noted thespian Terry Kiser. Enjoy.

Just when things seem to be getting better for hockey, Brian Campbell's face has to go and ruin everything.

Look at the momentum the sport had been accumulating: a strong Olympic showing that culminated in North Americans playing North Americans, a frenzy of a trade deadline with huge superstar-caliber names like "Corvo" and "Pogge" switching teams, and nationally-televised games on weekend afternoons.  And with the game's most exciting scorer - Alex Ovechkin - on the docket for yesterday's showdown in Chicago - the advertisers were no doubt lining up to get some commercial space.  COVET.

And then?

Ovechkin boards Brian Campbell's face, earning him an ejection and an early United Center shower.

Now as much as I like seeing more ice time for Boyd Gordon, there's college basketball on other television channels and my television came with one of those remote control contraptions that allow me to watch other programs without getting up.  Ovechkin got a major penalty, a game misconduct, and Campbell didn't even get whistled for the retalitory trip sending #8 to the ice as well.

Life isn't fair.

Over the weekend, one of the most intense hockey-related debates in its history broke out over at Deadspin, prompted by one commenter's reaction to Islanders owner Charles Wang's genius theory to expand the playoffs to crappy teams. "Diverguy," a self-proclaimed Canadian, suggested that to spark interest in hockey, the NHL should:

-reduce the number of teams by half,
-reduce the regular season by half,
-reduce the playoff teams by half, and
-reduce the play off series to best of 3 instead of best of 7.

Ah, the old "less is more" theory. Maybe he's on to something.

Your final MYFO thought before the weekend shall come in the form of What Are You Thinking?, where we do our best to poke fun at YOU, the ticket-buying hockey fan.  Now every day, NHL.com uses the bottom of their page to celebrate sports photography with its Frozen Moment, a stellar snapshot that truly embraces the majesty and grace of the game.  The players pictured are exhibiting talent, agility, and greatness.

You, the dufus captured sitting in the third row behind the awesomeness, do not.

Each Friday afternoon, we’ll pull one of the week’s Frozen Moments, pick a guy (or hopefully, insanely hot gal), and it will be your job over the weekend to tell us what, exactly, that person is thinking.  We’ll decide on a winner and keep stats.  Who knows, maybe in the sidebar.

It's been a long time, Recurring Feature.

With the return of WAYT, we anticipate a streak of normalcy here at the MYFOs.  The Olympics clearly threw us for a loop, which by loop we clearly mean "wicked 5-week bender."  Sorry about that.  We're in the season's homestretch, and now is NOT the time to come up small in the area of hockey-themed dickjokery.*

*July is the time to come up small in the area of hockey-themed dickjokery.

After the jump, this week's target of mockery.

Why do I get the feeling we're going to get a whole new readership with that headline?

For awhile there, I thought it might be fun to be Denis Grebeshkov.  There are worse things in the world to be than 26 and Russian playing in the National Hockey League.  No one looks at you funny if you try to order vodka at Denny's with your Grand Slam breakfast, you've got an awesome techno soundtrack playing in your subconscious at all times, and oh yeah - you're no longer in FREEZING COLD RUSSIA.

And if that weren't enough, your time in North America seems to be getting better and better.  You got to go the Olympics in Vancouver, and getting bounced by Canada in the quarters allowed you to go to all the other event.  And after two full seasons as a part of Kevin Lowe's Albertan Trainwreck, Grebeshkov was dealt at the deadline to Nashville.  That's in Tennessee.  Today, Tennessee is 26 degrees warmer than Edmonton.

And with all due respect to Shania Twain and Terri Clark, Nashville scores very high in the "smoking hot singer songwriters hoping to get discovered" demo.  Point for the G Man!

But with every peak, there must be a valley.

A truly remarkable thing occurred at one of the other Deadspinoffs last night; after years of nothing, the blogger once known as Footsteps Falco staggered into the office and declared his return to the Kissing Suzy Kolber team he once helped to start in 2006.  He's been gone for three whole years, and just like that, he's back.  I didn't realize that re-incarnation existed in the blogosphere (all SuperMikes aside), but just like that, the hardest working football dick jokers on the net went from 6 to 7.

Oh crap, could this happen to us?

While America has moved past the Olympics and chosen to focus on things like Spring Training, March Madness, and (sigh) Brett Favre, Canada seems to be hooked on some story about their national team winning some international hockey competition a few weeks back.  And since you can only recap a game in so many ways, it's the follow-up stories that seem to be getting their legs late in the third period.  One such story involves Hockey Jesus ability to how convert the masses, but is unable to keep his crap together.

Yes, it is reported that following Canada's gold medal win, the equipment strewn about the ice was collected and returned to players.  However, the game winning stick and glove of Crosby have gone missing.  MYFO, while not responsible for the theft, would like to profit from it.  So we've dispatched our finest CSI team to the scene.  Pictures and potential perps, after the jump.