These discussion materials are posted for hot bitches to use in considering various erotic endeavors to perform on the editors of Melt Your Face Off (“MYFO”). In all cases, interested women should not conduct their own investigation, as everything this paper presents is truer than the pope defecating on an altar boy who is peeing on the Koran.
The statements and information contained in these discussion materials include certain statements, facts, and penis projections that will blow your fucking mind. Such statements, facts, and penis projections reflect various inalienable verities, so don’t wet your thong in the middle of the work day if you can’t handle the large, throbbing cock, honey.
By accepting these discussion materials as gospel, you acknowledge and agree that (i) these discussion materials and any other information that MYFO relates to you will only be spread to hot bitches, (ii) you will use them solely to evaluate a sexual favor in MYFO and not other hockey bloggers such as Greg Wyshynski, James Mirtle, or Eklund, and (iii) in the event that you either make the worst decision of your life and not give MYFO sexual favors or realize that you are an ugly slut, you will promptly return these materials to MYFO or give them to a hot bitch.
Overview of MYFO’s Creation
- On July 11, 2007, MYFO was born from Khaos (“Deadspin Hockey Outcasts”) in the middle of the NHL offseason for innumerable, wasted work hours.
- Members of MYFO include:
- Hextall454 – The Only Gentile Accountant in the Greater DC Area
- LeNoceur – Gangbanger of Gary Bettman’s Wife
- Raskolnikov – Disenchanted Youth Watching Porn in his Parents’ Basement
- Reasonable Doubt – Mortal Enemy of Annoying Pre-Pubescent Girls (and Their Fathers) Everywhere
- Weed Against Speed – BOOGAARD!!!!!’s Personal Bodyguard
- Contributors to MYFO include:
- Dan Hopper – Megan Fox’s Boy Toy
- The Legend of Vincent Tremblay – The Only Penguins Fan More Masculine than Pensblog Charlie
Overview of MYFO’s Sexual Accomplishments
- Hextall454 fucked one girl so hard that she now refers to her vagina as “Eric Lindros’ Brain”.
- God told LeNoceur to stop having sex; he defied It, so God flooded northern Missouri. LeNoceur then sodomized God and made It pay for the damages to his house.
- Raskolnikov has received blowjobs from Hilary Duff and Rachel Hunter, a rusty trombone from Elisha Cuthbert, and put J Lube in Angelica Bridges. Note: all women feel like cotton to him.
- Reasonable Doubt was behind the camera for this short film, and then iced her puck with a jarring hit from behind.
- Weed Against Speed’s cock is known as “The Last Unbreakable Shaft in the NHL”. No composite here.
Poontang Thesis
- After evaluating various opportunities to acquire pussy over the past 12 months, MYFO believes it has a number of factors that make it very compelling.
- 12-inch dicks when flaccid, minimum 18 inches when erect.
- Absolute Guarantee that we are not the father.
- Option to call us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to receive booty call.
- Opportunity to take complete operational control under various circumstances where we come first.
- Portability Value
Call us, hot bitches. We’re open for business.
July 14th, 2008 - 3:49 pm
Well, that reads better than the Preds one. Dang.
July 14th, 2008 - 3:57 pm
Baby you got my number.
July 14th, 2008 - 4:17 pm
You wouldn’t want me - I may have QMJHLVD and I give head while you are trying to watch games. I know, it’s soooo damn distracting. Furthermore, for 7 years I have tolerated the unfortunate situation of having to take operational control. Perhaps this is why I crave 20 year old boys whom I know could never satisfy me - because at least they are pretty.
My question for you MYFO is this: Are you pretty?
July 14th, 2008 - 5:49 pm
I don’t know. James Mirtle is pretty hot…
July 14th, 2008 - 6:20 pm
@Q-girl: that’s why masturbation is tons better–no risk of pregnancy or STDs AND you’ll always get off
@daniella: yeah he is, but I’d be worried that’d he’d start running numbers comparing my performace to other women (”Loser Domi, while possessing decent engery, lacks the focus of, say, Mary-Ann and Susan.”)
July 14th, 2008 - 8:01 pm
hmmm, giving a BJ while watching hockey. Sounds like totally my type of plan. totally. Count me in.
July 14th, 2008 - 8:25 pm
@loser domi
if I have to stick with “taking operational control” it means that MYFO are no better than my current boyfriend and are quite possibly less pretty. This would mean that MYFO are way less pretty than my current entourage of graduating QMJHL goalies.
@dave
I know, what man wouldn’t want us!
July 14th, 2008 - 8:26 pm
Loser domi: Ummm, Ok. You talked me into it.
I’ll be your MYFO ho!
July 14th, 2008 - 9:02 pm
Is “operation control” also code for whips and chains?
I want head during a hockey game. That would be like, the best of all possible things in this world.
July 14th, 2008 - 10:00 pm
@Wrap
I like the sounds of this “operation control”. Do go on!
July 14th, 2008 - 10:36 pm
I am just sayin’ it would be fun to tie a netminder to his pipes. For kissy faces. Among things.
July 15th, 2008 - 12:15 am
@ wac
Milhouse is interested.
July 15th, 2008 - 11:38 am
Where do I sign up? For the hot bitches. I’m pretty in a rugged hockey player way.
July 15th, 2008 - 5:43 pm
Wow…
No comment.
July 15th, 2008 - 7:12 pm
daniella: YEs! MYFO ho’s fo’ sho!
July 15th, 2008 - 7:14 pm
wraparoundcurl: as per “head during a hockey game”, does that mean while watching on TV or in person at the rink?
July 15th, 2008 - 7:44 pm
It would probably be at home. I don’t know the laws regarding sex in public.
We need tshirts I think. This seems to be some sort of club. But first a snappy name!
July 15th, 2008 - 9:38 pm
wrap: but not “blogger puckbunnies,” right? (and loser domi: …yay!)
July 15th, 2008 - 9:47 pm
No, much classier than that.
July 16th, 2008 - 6:11 pm
MYFO hos fo’ sho’?
July 16th, 2008 - 8:37 pm
Totally, let’s ink it.
July 16th, 2008 - 8:38 pm
In some gangster font. It will be like, the new Thug Life.
July 20th, 2008 - 4:21 pm
[...] -It is established the ladies love MYFO now can we all do them, ahem, a favor and vote for them? [...]