I love masturbation.  There’s nothing like reaching down my pants and scoring against myself (”Steve Smithing” should be slang for this act).  However, I’m not a whiteout machine; there are only so many times I can pull on my knob.  What can I do while waiting for a reload?

Why, pleasure something else: my fragile ego.  I’ve googled my name so many times that I chafed the interwebs.  Failing to find anything other than some community college undergrad’s poorly-worded essay concerning Raskolnikov’s poor self-esteem, I check MYFO’s stats.  What? Only 900+ hits yesterday? I leave for one day and this site goes to hell!

Perverts who haven’t busted a nut today are searching for Willa Ford pics here.

Who’s linking here? The NHL Arena Program (NAP)? Do they need a knee hockey rink?

Actually, NAP is running a March Madness July Jubilation tournament where you, yes YOU, vote for the best hockey blog in the history of the world. It seems we aren’t the only hockey blog running a little low on ideas. Our first round opponent is The Red Light District. Oh ho, look at the scatological humor on that guy! This should be a great read.

Reads site

What? Where are the whores? No sluts (besides Sean Avery’s signing)? We have commenters who want to be called hos! And that’s on top of all the Mrs. Bettman posts!

Wow, that’s a long post about the NHL reverting to pre-lockout economics. Heavy shit. Where’s the random video that has nothing to do with hockey? There isn’t one? Blech.

Blogspot? How 2005 of them.

In conclusion, we cannot lose to this legitimate blog. There’s only one Red Light District, and I don’t see any Atlanta Thrashers in it.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2o6lIXdmmU]

Get out there and vote, whores.