| 15 April 2010
Let's be honest. You don't come here for the keen insight. Which is good, because we don't actually know that much about hockey, and are just smart enough not to try and fake it.
(The staff over at Four Habs Fans gather at Hurley's Irish Pub on rue Crescent for some pre-gaming prior to Game 1)
HabsFan4: Ah. Nothing like getting a quick drink in before the first puck of the playoffs is dropped.
Panger: Dude, it's 10:30 in the morning. There's nothing quick about this.
HabsFan10: Stretch out, boys. We have the run of the place for awhile - I only count 5 or 6 other degenerates in here right now. Why don't we warm up with assigning them some non-sensical yet clever nicknames.
HabsFan4: Pounds.
Panger: Hattie McDaniel.
HabsFan10: Nacho Camacho.
HabsFan4: Brocktoon.
Panger: HabsFans29 Look-a-like. Wait a minute, that actually IS HF29. Hey! Over here!
HabsFan29: Hey guys, sorry I'm drunk late. I just can't write the Morning Skate sober. Who's ready for some underdog hockey?
/door flies open
OVIE: OH HAI!
HabsFan4: Alex Ovechkin? Shouldn't you be in...Washington?
OVIE: OVIE duz not needz to be in de Verizone for Game 1. Pleez. We arz playing the Lez Habicants!
HabsFan29: Point taken. But...
OVIE: Lookz here, Lawyersonz. De playoffz are long for Ovie. There are long stretchez of time that I cantz drag race my Segway on the Constitution Avenuez. I need to PACE.
Panger: You're probably right, Ovie.
OVIE: So the MYFO guyz said that Montreeeeall is a fine place to meet wit de womenz?
HabsFan10: Sure is, but we're all married.
OVIE: WHAAAAAAT?
HabsFan10: The great Kirk Muller once said, "If you find a stripper and you fall in love, put a ring on it."
HabsFan29: It's cool. Here are pictures of our wives, Ovie.
HabsFan29: What? I met her on a road trip.
OVIE: Thatz what Id be talking aboutz, if I spokez proper Engleez and not dis LOLcats knockz-off tongue. To the clubz!FOUR HABS FANS: YES!
14 hours later, door opens to the fine gentleman's establishment "JugHandles"
OVIE: Wowwwwwie. Why didz Ovie sign long term deal with Uncle Ted? Capitol Hill interns got NOTHING on Montreal's finest.
HabsFan4: Hey Panger, who won the game?
Panger: You know, I completely forgot about our untimely demise.
/checks Blackberry
WHAT? OH NO WAY!
HabsFan10: (looks over Panger's shoulder) PLEKS! OVERTIME! WINNER!
OVIE: Oh noz. Budroze is NOTZ gonna like diz. He will eatz every KFC Double Down in Arlington by dawnz. Guyz, I'z gotta to go. Give my best to Elasticity. Ovie's sweet on her.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the Montreal Canadiens stole Game 1 in Washington, and Alex Ovechkin failed to register a single shot on goal.
