Written by LeNoceur | 18 January 2010

It's MLK day today, in the U.S., as Hex already noted--a day off for many of you. A day of reflection. In his most famous speech, Dr. King announced his dream--a dream in which children of all races would play hockey together on the same teams, and ideally dress in the same locker rooms.

But how well are NHL teams living up to that dream? In a post that took an unprecedented amount of work (i.e., more than 10 minutes), I have analyzed all 30 teams' (in)ability to live up to that high standard.

Methodology: I looked at the official roster for each team and counted the black people. Sometimes, this was easy, as some players have "black-sounding" names like Tom or Willie. Sometimes, I already know a player is black, like Jamal Mayers, because I have seen them in person or on TV. Occasionally, I look at pictures. For close calls, I placed a call to the PR office of the relevant team. None of those calls were returned; I just marked those guys down as black to be safe. I then placed every team on a spectrum, from "Fully Integrated" (meaning at least 3 black players) to "Barack Obama" (looks sorta black, but doesn't have a Negro dialect or anything, unless he wants to--2 players) to "Tokens" (1 player) to "Run by Bull Connor." The results appear below.

Fully Integrated

Calgary Flames (Nigel Dawes, Jarome Iginla, Curtis McElhinney). I'm not a racist or anything, but that comic strip "Curtis" is not funny, and pretty terrible.

New Jersey Devils (Mark Fraser, Bryce Salvador, Johnny Oduya). I almost skipped over Oduya, due to the extreme odds of any one NHL team employing three black defensemen. Jwoww is secretly intrigued.

Barack Obama

Colorado Avalanche (Chris Stewart, Brandon Yip). What, are you going to tell me that Martin Luther King hated Asians? Racist.

Philadelphia FLyers (Ray Emery, Scott Hartnell). Sorry, Scott--if you have a 'fro, you're on the list.

L.A. Kings (Wayne Simmonds, Big Jack Johnson). If the U.S. wins the gold medal in Vancouver, Johnson has said he will perform "Catfish Blues" on stage for the first time in a decade.

New York Islanders (Kyle Okposo, Richard Park). See the Avalanche entry. According to the league office, Asians are honorary blacks in the NHL. Well, at least no one called back to deny this after I left a message with the holiday temp manning the phones.

Tokens

New York Rangers (Donald Brashear). Poor Don. His teammates have two reasons not to talk to him.

Montreal Canadiens (Georges Laraque). I have no idea if it's true, but in my imagination these guys are great friends.

Buffalo Sabres (Mike Grier).  Nice to see Rosie's kid hanging in there. I am almost exactly one year older than Mike, which means he should be retiring any day now.

Chicago Blackhawks (Dustin Byfuglien). Whenever I see his name, I pity the torture this poor kid had to go through in kindergarten, learning to spell it.

Dallas Stars (Trevor Daley). A black kid named Trevor. Only a Canadian would do that to their kid.

Atlanta Thrashers (Evander Kane). I guess Patrick is the adopted one.

Nashville Predators (Joel Ward). He's got to be related to Cam Ward, right?

Carolina Hurricanes (Cam Ward). Based on that assumption, I don't need to look at the Hurricanes' roster any further.

Toronto Maple Leafs (Jamal Mayers). Probably 90 percent of the black players in the NHL were born in Toronto or the immediate vicinity. Being in the same category as the Atlantas, Nashvilles, and Carolinas of the world on this list should be a source of embarassment. Fortunately, Leafs fans are distracted by all of the other things the organization has to be embarassed about.

Anaheim Ducks (Joffrey Lupul). I think it's a little weird to name your kid after the butler on "Fresh Prince of Bel Air," but whatever.

Vancouver Canucks (Willie Mitchell). I was unable to confirm this, but sources tell me that Willie's dad is a wisecracking junk man in Port McNeill, BC.

Run By Bull Connor

Columbus Blue Jackets. Holy cow is this team white. They have TWO guys named Derek/Derrick, plus a Jared and an RJ. This is a lacrosse team.

Boston Bruins. Tell me you were shocked to find a Boston team at this point on the list.

Edmonton Oilers. Check out the Edmonton roster page. It looks like half the team goes to the same barber, and orders a "Souray."

Detroit Red Wings. I didn't even check. I mean, they're all Swedes, right?

Minnesota Wild. Prince, Morris Day, and Adrian Peterson are the only black guys I have ever heard of in Minnesota, and none of them play hockey. Another no-check.

Pittsburgh Penguins. But...they're black and white! And cute as the dickens! What gives, Pittsburgh? How dare you mock your own living symbol of racial harmony?

Florida Panthers. Kendal McArdle is on IR, so I didn't count him. And while Leopoldville was the original name of the city now called Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo, that doesn't get Jordan Leopold in the door either.

Ottawa Senators. Off topic, but is it just me, or does Jarkko Ruuttu look exactly like Rob Corddry?

Phoenix Coyotes. I have been to the Phoenix area several times, and it is totally not true that every black guy you see there is a football or basketball player at ASU. Many professional athletes maintain offseason homes in nearby Scottsdale.

Tampa Bay Lightning. Little-known fact: Reasonable Doubt quit this site to devote himself full time to litigating the rampant civil rights violations in the greater Tampa Area. We haven't had so much as an email from him since, so he must be busy.

San Jose Sharks. Manny Malhotra does have a really nice tan, though.

St. Louis Blues. St. Louis is like the West Africa of hockey. We export all of our quality black players (Tony McKegney, Mike Grier, Jamal Mayers, Bryce Salvador) to more prosperous lands in return for glass trinkets and draft picks.

Washington Capitals. Which roster is harder for a black guy to crack: the Caps, or the U.S. Senate?