Mark Parrish Joins Nickelback Onstage At Concert; Embarrasses Himself and Music Lovers Everywhere

We can all agree that the life of the professional athlete is a quality existence. Opportunities are presented to them that ordinary people such as you and I are rarely afforded. They make absurd amounts of money. Women blindly throw themselves at male (and female) pro athletes as if they are the second coming of Leif Brad Garrett (or perhaps the lady who portrayed Mrs. Garrett, in the case of the female athlete I guess). Essentially, anything they want is theirs for the taking.  Shit, food probably tastes better to them.

The most recent perk of living the life of a professional athlete taking on a life of its own is the prevalence of jocks invading the world of rock and roll and appearing onstage with their favorite musicians. Brady Quinn rocking out onstage with Poison (Im eagerly awaiting his impromptu duet with Clay Aiken, but thats probably just me) and Tony Romo caught whooping it up with the guy that played Mr. Belding and Metal Skool  are merely examples of this phenomenon that happen to be documented on video.

Since we are the hippest (?) new NHL blog (and the only one endorsed  (I think) by the King of the Sports Blogs – the striking fellow pictured to the right) on these here internets, I could not allow this one to go unnoticed and unappreciated: Minnesota Wild winger Mark Parrish joined Nickelback onstage at their concert earlier this week at the Target Center.

The Canadian rockers also seemed to be trying out as the Minnesota Wilds house band by bringing out center Mark Parrish to shoot a T-shirt gun into the crowd.

Unfortunately (or fortunately for Parrish, as the case may be), there is not any video documenting this affront to all things decent and good. However, even without the presence of video evidence, I can almost assure you that the t-shirt was shot out of the gun with greater velocity than any Parrish slap shot we have seen since his playing days with the Panthers. But for crying out loud, Mark – it was Nickelback! To put it bluntly, Nickelback could be best described as the ill-conceived unborn love child of Everclear and Def Leppard that somehow managed to crawl out of the dumpster after a back-alley abortion.

Take Off, You Hoser

Nevertheless, I would have been tempted to grant Parrish a bit of a reprieve if he was from the Great White North, since Nickelback is from there as well, and we have all made the mistake of liking something a little too much due to provincial loyalty. The only problem is Parrish grew up in Bloomington, Minnesota. It would have been less offensive if he would have jumped up onstage during an Information Society reunion concert. To make ammends, Mark, I now expect you to post a 50 point season. So station yourself in front of the goal and redirect some shots into the net – just pretend your stick is a t-shirt gun.

After reading about Parrishs escapades, I got to thinking, whats next? Are we destined to see Chris Pronger joining Hinder onstage and subsequently start playing air guitar with Lord Stanleys Cup? The thought of it alone is troubling, but even more disconcerting is the possibility that it could actually occur.

In the comments, I would appreciate hearing from the readers your thoughts on which NHL player/musician combination we are most likely to see next – good, bad or just plain mortifying.

Crime and Punishment: Part IV

Due to consuming an entire bottle of wine, Raskolnikov’s loose fingers “accidentally” sent an email to Deadspin czar Will Leitch, informing the great leader of Melt Your Face-Off’s existence. However, this action was done without the knowledge or approval of any of the other writers. We were unprepared for the resulting traffic and were caught with our pants down.

The cause of this embarrassing situation, Raskolnikov, is a crazy rogue who must be taught a lesson. Therefore, we have sent him on a series of hockey “vacations” that will teach him to respect the authority of the one in charge.These trips, while not Siberia, will test his physical and mental resilience. Will he make it through his spiritual journey to rehabilitation?

Final trip: the asylum.

Setting: A white, padded room in MYFO’s insane asylum. Seven of the members lean against the pillowy walls, most of them visibly annoyed. Two figures face each other in the middle of the room. Sir Hotbod Handsomeface crouches, while Raskolnikov, sporting a strait jacket and a Cheshire grin, sits, legs extended straight out, torso completely vertical, forming a right angle.

Sir H of H: Raskolnikov, we’re not letting you out of those restraints until you stop hurting yourself.

Raskolnikov: *fiddles with suit*

Weed vs. Speed: Why didn’t you get the Boogaard autograph?

Sir H of H: WEED! Why would Boogaard be at NHL Headquarters?

WvsS: Hey, if it weren’t for that marker, he wouldn’t have made it 1 minute in that place.

Rask: Keith Jones is the greatest hockey analyst ever.

Sir H of H: You’re not helping yourself.

Reasonable Doubt for a Reasonable Price: *yawns* I need donuts.

Rask: *Jerks head violently at RDfaRP* KOHARSKI!!!

Sir H of H: Yes, Rask! Concentrate on something else! What’s the most beautiful play in hockey?

Rask: Dump-and-chase. Chase-and-dump. Dump-and-dump. Chase the dump. Dump the chase.

Sir H of H: Guh …who’s the greatest Finn in the history of hockey?

Rask: Alpo Suhonen is my lord and savior.

Baba Ojé: Jesus, this isn’t working. Why do we even need this guy? We’ve got a giant list of potential bloggers. Who cares about the Blackhawks anyway?

Kid Canada: To be fair, the Maple Leafs aren’t that hot. And this is kind of funny, the way he beats himself up.

laerm: It’s like Fight Club without Marla. That’s kind of like the NHL, no?

Baba: So we’re going follow around this nutcase?

Hextall454: He did stick up for Lenoceur.

Lenoceur: And because of that, Gary Bettman will never appear on this blog!

Hextall: You think that he would’ve asked us for an interview? He probably hates all technology because of Jim Balsaille!

Lenoceur: You wanna fight, Hextall?

Sir H of H: SHUT UP! We’re here because Rask needs our help! He wanted to help MYFO grow, so he sent a post to Deadspin. He was just naïve about how much attention Deadspin would bring to our site. That’s all.

Rask: Thank you. *Removes strait jacket easily* I’ll see you hosers around.*Walks out of room*

All are silent for 5 minutes.

RDfaRP: I still need donuts.